She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
