i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
