dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
