I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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