just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
