she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
