You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
