you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
