trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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