maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
