Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
