She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
