Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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