You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
