So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
