What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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