just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
