Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
