She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
