Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
there's paper in my vomit.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have already put on my inside pants.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
