So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
