Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
