u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
