she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Green mimosas i think yes
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
