you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
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Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
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We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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