I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
