I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
