They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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