Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
