im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
this boner is exhausting
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
