it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
bring money and cleavage
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
