I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
two words: eviction party
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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