I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
