dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
