drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
