Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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