I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
