but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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