I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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