Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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