people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
