dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
