Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
MIDGETS
????
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
