he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
