you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
