then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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