So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
