I'm so fucking centered right now
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
