More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
