Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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