I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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