I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
