I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
