Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
