just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
