Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
