pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
