Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
