Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
