Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
