I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
