He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
