I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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