He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
