I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
