thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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