hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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