so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
