uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
