I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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