I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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