this beer tastes like vomit already
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
