you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
