she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
