god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
