Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
