Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.