did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.