party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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