maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
