That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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