i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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