you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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